VERONESI, Sandro

The Hummingbird

…..
“It’s no use, Dr. Carrera. Go ahead and report me to the Association, if you must:

I deserve it after all, given the mistake I made. But you can never force me to tell you

what—”

“Look, it’s not a fantasy.”

“What did you say?”

“What Marina told you about Luisa Lattes is not a fantasy. It’s true, we see each

other, we write to each other. Only it’s not a relationship, and above all it’s not marital

infidelity: it’s something between us that I can’t even define and I don’t understand how

Marina can know about it.”

“Are you still in love with her?”

“Listen, that’s not the point. The point is that––”

“Forgive me if I insist: are you still in love with her?”

“Yes.”

“Did you see each other in Leuven last June?”

“Yes but—”

“In a letter a few years ago did you write that you like the way she dives into the

water from the shore?”

“Yes, but how the h––”

“Did the two of you take a vow of chastity, that is, not to have sex even if you

want to?

…..


Quiet Chaos

…..
you’re like me, which means that what happened two months ago awakened something repressed and unavowable in you as it did in me, and it shocked you and excited you and made you numb to everything else as it did me, and it will always be one of the most terrible and at the same time most amazing experiences of your whole life, because it’s not as if we can choose these things, not as if we can choose with whom to share them, it would be nice but that’s not the way it is, they are the ones to choose us, and from that moment on the only thing they want is to be replicated, replaced, relived, and so they chain us to the worst thing we’re capable of doing, making us dangerous, yes, making us nothing more than accidents waiting to happen

..…